Forced Introspection

Thoughts on personal growth and the importance of discomfort.

Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

Back when our worlds came to a stand-still due to the pandemic, everyone was learning how to live differently. We were constantly learning how to adapt. We were uncomfortable. For me, personally, it was a time of much needed growth. I learned a very valuable lesson during the pandemic. I learned how to be alone. I learned who I was away from all of the social situations I so desperately delved into in order to elude the unappealing predicament of being alone with my thoughts. It wasn’t easy. I cried, I questioned, I felt defeated, but I learned so much. I gained a new found love for myself and I began to treat myself better.

This was a bit easier to do when my world was spinning at such a slower pace. Staying home was what I HAD to do. I didn’t have work to interrupt my personal journey. I didn’t have the usual everyday stresses that would soon engulf my everyday routine. As things returned to “normal” (whatever the heck that is), my personal journey took a backseat. It was not forgotten, but it was often neglected.

Here in the present, I am undergoing another season of life that is forcing me to go inwards. I am existing in a state of discomfort as I navigate a new way of life, new friends, a new language. The newness of it all calls my personal journey back to the driver’s seat. I often find myself needing to be alone; needing to check-in with myself and figure out what it is I am truly feeling and what is it I am truly wanting from my life in this moment.

A lot of reflection happens during these times of being alone, and I must say, I am pretty damn proud of how I am growing as a person. I am so far from being where I want to be. I mean, one’s personal journey is meant to last one’s whole life, right? But, I am able to see that I have also come so far, and that is something worth celebrating.

Now for some poems….

November 8th, 2023

I do my best growing when I disappear

The only voice I hear is my conscience

The only person there for me is myself

I used to hate being alone, now I delve into isolation

filled with peace as I work to heal my soul

The girl who once lost herself in the crowd now finds herself in the vast sea

of her own existence

While taking herself on walks poetry fills her mind and self love is in abundance

I am silently improving and slowly growing

November 19th, 2023

You take the girl out of the small town

and she learns she is anything but small

She is resilient

She is a demanding presence

An independent, yet wandering, soul that can love herself first

but love others fiercely

She is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed force to be reckoned with

Sugar, but more spice

Her voice rings a little bit louder now, but she listens with intensity

and hears what others cannot in the slight tremble of a breath

She takes up space and doesn’t apologize

She basks in zones of discomfort

She knows she is brave

Yet she allows herself to be humbled

You take the girl into a new world

and she is forced to find the power that has always existed inside of her.